Dear blog...
I don't really know how to begin, where to start, what to say.....it seems so wrong to me.
All this while, I just being the type of person that I have always been. Always, after something terrible had happened to me I'll have this big question, "where have I been wrong?"... As a normal person, I experience hard and good times...I personally think that the 'wanted-to-be-a-perfectionist' thing isn't very helpful either. Sometimes I can consider myself as a mean, and egoistic type of person who wanting perfection in life until I forgot that nothing in this world is perfect.
To become a perfectionist type of working machine sometimes is really tiring and doesn't work at all. I am a human being after all, often forget things, do feel bad if I can't do best in lief, and forget things easily. I don't like to forget things because I don't like to give excuses. Nobody like excuses. (Except for reasonable excuses) It is just lame and so not appropriate at all. However, I did give excuses sometimes. Hopefully I won't do it again. Its just the same when it comes to my social life, where I often forgot to take care of other people's feelings...
I don't know why I have this big mouth kinda thing. Really pissing me off. Though, I'm not the kind of person who always running around like mice whenever I see problems. There's nothing wrong with it right?.. But what I really stress out about is, I may not be able to do things right, to achieve better, or even I might fail....sometimes I doubt myself...I feel angry, anxious, and...throwing tantrums all the times...this actually not because of the problems, but because I can't do it. I feel useless. What is wrong with me!!?? I have to keep strong and motivate myself no matter how the ups and downs are. If this plain grounds scare the hell out of me, then I won't be able to face the real world. The world doesn't go with my expectation all the time. I can run, but I can't escape from problems unless I face them.
Everything in this world happened with a reason. I'm not alone. If I say I'm suck, actually there's a lot people out there even more sucker than me. Grow up! and face it. Be grateful. Live your life!! Okay! I can bear it, trust me. I'm happy for being like this, for who I am. Just need to be careful next time and improve myself a little bit more. I can do it. Just stay strong and be sensible. We're different, you're different. So What the hell are you afraid of, each person is gifted with talents and advantages..make use of the talent you have. I try to give myself a chance, not once but many times already.
This is not a big problem helloo..wake up!! The thing is, I need to live with it and accept it with an open arms. Deserve it. I need to learn to accept my weaknesses and try to understand why things happen, and find solutions, so that I can improve myself to the better. That's it! Whatever things that will happen in the future, try to handle it well. Stay calm..
This was it...in about two hours ago the answer I have been dying to know had finally been revealed. Guess what? I did it quite well, and feel 'OKAy' about it. I don't care how much people strive for their's but I do care about mine. I need to work hard next time and try not to be so 'berlagak sombong'. Anyway, let us just forget about it. All in all I have did my best and still the results are good and be happy about it.
All I wanted to say is, I'm so grateful and thank you to Allah for His blessing, not to forget, to mak and ayah for their doa and blessing as well, thank you sooo much....For my beloved friends, who always be there for me and support one and another during our hectic time, thank you so much. Let us be together and sail through this Degree program until we graduate. I have to bear in mind that I want to be an educator who not only teach but to become a source of inspiration, and knowledge and of course to change the world's perspectives of looking at certain things. 'A great student lies on a great teacher'. Congratulations to me of course ^^ and to my friends, I believe that we can success in the future. Insyaallah.!
Till then. Good day people..
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